Date #34: New Year, Same Disappointments

January 21, 2024

I was turned off by #34 the minute I walked into the restaurant. I’m not saying he was a catfish, but it was obvious he used older pics of himself on Hinge. 

I had gotten my car broken into a few days prior, so I was carless at the time. He didn’t live far and had suggested a restaurant for us to go to, and since it was only less than a 15 minute drive from my place, I didn’t mind taking Uber. He was close enough to walk so he said he was already at the restaurant and said he was sitting where I could see him. 

I walked into Highlands Cafe and Grill in SE DC. It wasn’t a lot of people in there, let alone wasn’t even that big of a restaurant, so I was confused like… where is he? Everyone else in the restaurant was coupled up, except this one guy sitting alone directly across from where I was standing, close enough to where he would make eye contact with anyone who walked in. But I’m like that can’t be him although he was looking dead at me. The bartender asked if I was picking up or dining in and I said I was meeting someone and he offered me a menu. I took it and quickly looked at the guy who was still staring at me, but now scrunching his eyebrows as if to gauge if something was wrong.

I pulled out my phone to check (and hope) for any messages about him running late or something (with full knowledge that he already said he was at the restaurant) but when I didn’t see anything, I slowly looked up, saw him hesitantly take his phone out too, and I decided this was the guy.

I quickly walked over and apologized saying I didn’t know if it was him or not. He explained that he’s been growing his beard and as someone who loves beards, he should have kept it shaved. I wouldn’t call him ugly but I also wouldn’t call him attractive to my standards. His beard had aged him a good 10 years and he was already developing wrinkles so… like I said he was the same guy, just not the guy I was picturing nor thinking I was going on a date with.

This probably wasn’t fair to him… but at this point I wasn’t even trying on this date. I wasn’t asking him questions to get to know him, just having enough conversation to get through the date. I mean yes I was conversating, I wasn’t being rude and just not talking to the guy but in my mind I knew I wasn’t seeing him after this date. It wasn’t even just his looks either. Immediately when I sat down he had what is probably my #1 turn off: long and dirty fingernails. Now I don’t want those fingernails nowhere near me nor my food. But we ordered; the food was alright, nothing to rave home about. We had more light and boring conversation, but apparently he didn’t think so because he asked if I wanted to grab a drink after we ate and I had to kindly tell him that no I did not want to do that. We ended the date there and I was hoping that was it until he hit me on IG a few days later asking if I wanted to take him out for a coffee. Now why would I want to do something like that?

I won’t lie if we were vibing like that and we were jokey with each other I would think this would be a cute and funny way to ask me out again. But because this date was a nice lil 2/10 it really had me confused on how you thought that would’ve been a good way to ask me back out… let alone posing it like EYE wanted to take YOU out. I told him no and he replied “maybe I’m just not your type” which I replied back “I don’t think so”. He then proceeded to tell me “you’re kinda rude, not interesting, and clearly just need meals lol”. Just two minutes ago I was interesting enough to grab a coffee with and now all of a sudden I’m uninteresting and rude because I don’t want to? If men are gonna have one thing it’s the audacity.

I just replied “ok, sorry you feel that way” because I wasn’t about to go back and forth with this dusty man. We unfollowed each other on IG which was perfectly fine with me until a few days after that he replied to one of my stories??? How do you even have access to my story if you not following me? I had posted a conversation I had with another guy on Hinge saying something about the dating scene being ugly and dirty fingernails over here swiped up and said “might want to look in the mirror emoji”. I told him “Ma’am you unfollowed me days ago it’s harassment at this point” and he replied “you got lost soul” whatever that was supposed to mean. I just liked the message and left it at that.

I’m going to emphasize what I had posted in my story: If you arguing with ya man or ya lady right now, please work it out because the dating streets is uglyyyyy!

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Because Fingernails doesn’t necessarily deserve his own post, I wanted to give this one just a little more substance by including a list of red flags and green flags I’ve encountered on dates and maybe you guys can share your own!

Red Flags

1. Constantly rescheduling the first date

9x/10 you’re asking me out, which means I would hope you’re choosing a time that you’re available. I understand things come up last minute so the first time I can let slide, but after 2-3x of trying to reschedule? That tells me you’re a poor planner and obviously you don’t care enough to meet me and at this point just wasting my time.

2. Not asking any questions about me

We on a first date getting to know each other and you don’t ask not one question about me? Not even my favorite color? You not trynna get to know me forreal so what are we really here for?

3. Late on the first date

Now I’m reasonable. 5, 10, sometimes even 15 minutes I’ll allow, moreso if we don’t have reservations somewhere. But anything more than that now you’re just playing with my time. In my experience, constant tardiness becomes a theme later on and shows they don’t value your time.

4. Being rude to waiter/waitress

This honestly goes for any employee at any establishment we’re in. No reason you need to be rude to people that are mostly exhausted from doing their job and here you are being another difficult customer. It really shows your character and shows how you view others. I could even take it a step further and assume you may even treat me rudely down the line at some point.

5. Long/dirty fingernails 

I wonder which date brought this out…

All I’m saying is if you can’t keep your hands clean you can't keep other parts of yourself clean.

Green Flags

1. A guy offers to pick me up

As a woman who lives alone, a safety issue of mine is to never let a guy know where I live, but an offer is always nice, even if it’s on the way to the date or somewhere semi-far. Also if it takes the guy out his way and is still fine with picking you up, it’s always an appreciated gesture.

2. Bringing a gift

Typically flowers are the norm but anything that the guy knows you would like, such as Rain (#25) bringing/surprising me with my favorite candy for the movies is always memorable and a way to earn some points. It also shows he's listening and taking an extra step to get my attention.

3. Compliments

This should go without saying, but compliments are always appreciated. Especially us women take extra time to look good for dates, it’s nice when that effort is acknowledged. I don’t go into dates expecting compliments but I remember at the end of one a guy had said “You do look really nice today. I like your outfit I meant to tell you at the beginning”, and although small, it actually goes a long way because a compliment costs nothing. Speaking as someone who compliments herself enough, it’s always an extra confidence boost to hear that I look nice, have a nice outfit on, smell nice, have a nice smile, etc. You don’t know how far a compliment will take a person.

4. Consideration

Consideration is one of those qualities either you have it or you don’t. Your date considering your needs ensures comfortability and shows respect. This could mean him choosing a date spot that is closer to you or in the middle of you two so you don’t have to drive too far, him choosing a spot that is suitable for you (i.e. not choosing a seafood place if you're allergic to shellfish or not choosing places you are not keen on), and not choosing a night activity for the first date unless you are fine with it. And speaking to the men if any of you are reading: if you are unsure of an idea, giving options for a date is always a safe bet for you both to feel comfortable with meeting each other for the first time.

5. Chivalry

This might be an extension of the last point, but opening doors (including car doors), pulling the woman's chair out, men walking on the street side of the sidewalk, men making sure your date makes it in the house safely before driving off, helping your date walk down the stairs or curb especially if she’s wearing heels, walking up to your dates door instead of honking or texting that you’re ‘here’ (although this one isn’t as common, most of us live in apartments), all of this ensures your date feels safe and shows you prioritize her well being over your own.