Date #33 (Part IV): Closure or Question Mark?

February - March 2024

Ivory knew I was looking for a job, so the day after we agreed to stop all communication, he sent me a position he had found, and wished me a good rest of the day. I became emotional, because he had never been so short and vague with me. This was really it. It was a bittersweet feeling. I was glad he was out of my life, but hate that it came to this.

We hadn’t talked for some days, but eventually, as you guys may have guessed, we started talking daily again. Communication was slow, but how do you stop updating someone about your life when this person was the main one you were updating your daily events with for the past 4 months? I was not understanding the hold this man had over me. My therapist was probably on the verge of letting me go and everything (she wasn’t, I’m 98% sure I was one of her favorites).

He asked me to the Immersive Gamebox (remember, I never took him because we are now in March and I still have yet to receive my Christmas gift).

Let's also take a moment to acknowledge that he had Christmas, New Years, my birthday, and Valentines Day to give me this "gift"...

From our last “no more talking” conversation, we hadn’t seen each other physically, so I declined the Immersive Gamebox invitation, and I was proud of myself! He asked me about 2 or 3 times after that, and I told him we actually had to have another conversation. He said “is it another scissor motion conversation?” Insinuating me cutting him off for the 100th time. I said yes, but that I was actually on my way to a date and that I couldn’t talk about it. He pushed, saying he didn’t want to drag it. I told him I didn’t want to get an attitude before my date, and that we would talk later. But he asked what the conversation had to be about, and I said “my gift”. 

“Which I still intend on giving you,” he said without missing a beat. And that’s when I took the bait.

I started firing off with my argument: “Our last conversation I said that you said it took you longer than expected to get my gift right? Then you corrected me saying that I ‘misunderstood’ as you always do, and that you said it took you longer than expected to order my gift, correct?” 

“Yes…” he said less confidently. 

“But I thought ‘you know what, he actually texted that’. And I can never prove a lot of the things you say because most of our conversations are on facetime or in person. But I looked at the text and you said it took you longer than expected to pick up my gift…” I felt my emotions boiling over, ready to hear whatever excuse he had this time. “...get, order, pick up, they all have three different meanings.” 

Then here he go, “it took me longer to pick up a part that I ordered.” 

stares into invisible camera

I want us all to pause here, and question if this makes any sense to anyone.

Mhm. Mhm. Right.

I continued. “You manipulated me into thinking you said one thing when you know you said it another more specific way in order for me to think differently. You thought if you said you were picking up my gift, that I wouldn't be upset about you having me wait two hours on New Years. And when I question you about it, you lie about what you actually said. And now you’re putting a lie on top of another lie. So at this point, I don't want to communicate any further about anything.” 

Again, with his understanding tone, “I completely get where you’re coming from. The gift–” 

“And it’s not even about the gift itself!” I interrupted. 

“I know, it’s the principle. Your gift has been ordered, and it should be here on the 27th. Can you give me till then?” The 27th was one week from this conversation. I told him if he was somehow lying again, that I did not want him to waste any of his money getting me something last minute. He assured me it was an actual gift, and he is waiting on one last part. I told him that this doesn’t mean that once I get the gift we can start being friends again, to which he said he knows. “Will you throw the gift away when you’re done with me?” He asked. I told him that no, if he truly did spend the time and money on such a great gift like he said he did, then I would keep it. He asked if he could still “bother me” until the gift gets here, and I should have said no but… yall already know what I said.

Before this conversation, we had already planned to work from home together the next day, so that was still (supposed) to be happening. But the date with the guy I told Ivory about, that guy also asked to hang out that night. And I was really feeling that guy. Ivory was out, and this new guy was in. I told Ivory I couldn’t see him that day because something came up. He asked if we could hang the next day, and I unfortunately agreed. I asked what he wanted to do, and the Immersive Gamebox came up once again. I told myself we were ending soon enough anyway, so why the hell not.

The day came, he ordered a rental car, came to pick me up, and we drove 40 minutes to Sandbox VR in Tysons, Virginia. This was not the one I went to nor the one I was thinking we were talking about the whole time, but he chose this place and he paid so I had no complaints. We got there and they told us that he set the reservation for “yesterday”. I can’t think of a time in the whole 5 months I knew this man where he planned something and it went exactly according to plan. They luckily had openings for the next day, so we left and grabbed some food at Circa right across from it (food was good too thankfully). 

The next morning he texted me asking if I was awake and I confirmed I was. He didn’t say anything further nor let me know if he was on his way or anything, so I spent a lot of the time just feeling weird not knowing what was happening, especially since he was late (what's new?). I remember discussing most of what I dealt with with Ivory to a friend, which led to my irritation of him being late without communicating (again). My friend said “I can’t hang with someone that something bad is always happening to them. That will start rubbing off.” It really had me thinking. We got off the phone and I sat with my thoughts, crying again because I didn’t like myself and what I was doing with Ivory. As much as I didn’t want to, I had an attitude again when he came to pick me up. But we had arrived to Sandbox, and I was in a better mood. Not going to lie, the game was actually really fun. I can’t wait to take other dates!

As he was dropping me off, he said he had to go pick up a gift for his friend's dinner party he was attending later. I couldn’t help that this irritated me. “Tell her she’s lucky to be receiving a gift,” I said joking but serious. “It’s not her actual birthday today.” As if this was a valid argument. “Tell her she’s lucky she doesn’t have to wait months for her gift,” I picked.

Later that night, I called to ask how the dinner was. He said it was 5 of them, but he gave his friend her gift and paid for her dinner. Annoyed again, I questioned how it was 5 people in attendance and he was the one that got her a gift and the one to pay for her dinner. “You’re acting like I haven’t given you more.” He told me.

“Oh? Like what?” I goaded. He gave me that ‘really?’ look. 

“I’m serious, what have you given me? Name 3 things,” I challenged. 

“Eboni, I’ve given you more things and I’ve been friends with her for years.” 

“I’m not arguing that you haven’t given me anything. I’m just asking you to name 3 things.” 

“The [build a] bear,” which we mentioned earlier when he dropped me off, so a cheat answer, but I gave it to him anyway. 

“The notebook,” which is from an event I invited him to and I was going to buy it but he insisted on buying it for me instead. So again, I gave it to him.

“Ok, what’s the third thing?” 

He paused, “...and me.” He smiled as if this was a viable answer. My irritation almost sent me over the edge. I want to say we argued back and forth, but we weren't even having the same argument. He kept asking why I was comparing myself to his friend, when I told him that I simply wanted him to expand on his statement of “more things I’ve given you than I’ve given her” and he couldn’t even do that. He tried to keep me on the phone longer but I had to go see the guy I saw previously, so I ended that conversation just in time.

We talked here and there the next few days, and the 27th was approaching quickly. I was too eager to see this gift he had me waiting for. We planned to hang out on the 28th, so I told him this is when I could get the gift. That morning, he said he had bad news. I asked if it was something wrong with the rental car, which I knew he had to take in to get fixed and he said no, the car was fine. He told me what was really wrong, and we continued from there.

That night, the plan was for me to go to his place, get ready, then we go off to our plans after that. I get there, and he’s getting in the bed, watching Netflix for 2 hours and started nodding off. I asked if he wanted to leave earlier but he denied. I was irritated because I wasn’t in the mood to just chill there, or if I knew I was going to be doing that I would’ve gotten ready at home and left when he was ready to leave. I woke him up, and told him it was time for us to get going. We get dressed, head out, and I saunter after him, looking for his car. I hesitate when I notice he’s walking towards my car. 

“I know you’re not walking to my car…” I say with forced attitude. 

“Eboni, what are you talking about?” He asks with a tone to match mine, as if we were already in the midst of an argument. 

I immediately blew up. “I knew you were going to f*cking do this!” Mind you, I’m not one that likes to argue in public. I like to handle my matters privately. It was 10 o’clock at night, we were standing in the middle of his apartment parking lot and my ugly side was starting to come out, a side that only my ex had seen. I didn’t care who was around to hear us. 

“Eboni–” 

“Get in the car don’t say another word to me!” I threw my things in the back seat, slamming my doors and all. “You said the car was fine!” We sat side by side, I looked him dead in his eyes ready to hear another lie. 

“The car is fine, it's still in the shop.” 

“If it’s in the shop then how is it fine? At no point did you say the car was still in the shop or that you got it back. If you said the car is fine, I would think there’s nothing wrong with it anymore and that you have it.” 

“There aren't any updates so it’s fine.” 

I sat there, couldn’t even believe I was driving us again. I thought my days of driving us around were over. “You said you had to get cash, why wouldn’t you have me get it on my way over here instead of wasting time laying around?!” I couldn’t calm down. 

“Because I have the money, why would I have you get the cash?” 

“You should have made it clear I was driving, I don’t even have gas!” 

“We can get gas on the way.” 

“I didn’t want to stop… that’s the point! I want to go straight there. And then you said you wanted to stop to get a bottle. You expected me to just stop all these places? Making a stop to get the cash, for me to get some gas, and to get a bottle? It’s 10 o'clock at night! I don't want to be driving all around the city making stops especially when it could’ve been done in the two hours you were watching Netflix! You didn’t make it clear that I was the one that had to drive, let alone make all these stops.” I started gripping the steering wheel. 

“What did you think when I said the car was fine?” 

“I thought you got the car back because if it’s ‘fine’ why would it still be in the shop?” I paused. “Do you still want to go?!” I said, still yelling.

“Do you?” He shot back with attitude. 

“Answer the question!” I screamed.

“Yes, I do.” 

I drove off, and before even exiting the parking lot, a quote my friend told me popped into my mind:

If you’re not supposed to be with someone, the Lord will not let you have peace with them.

“No, we’re not going.” I turned around. 

“Yeah, I don’t want to force you.” 

I pulled up to the front of his building so he could get out of my car. 

“Eboni, can we talk about this?” 

“Go. Say what you have to say.” 

“When I said I had bad news, it was about [insert bad news that’s irrelevant to this story]. It wasn’t about the car. You asked if it was and I said the car was fine.” 

“I’m not arguing that that is what happened. But if you said the car is fine, then I assume we would be taking your car.” 

“I took it in today. How would it be fine that fast?” 

“I don’t know! I don’t know what’s wrong with the car, I don’t know how long it takes to fix it, you didn’t update me about it!” 

“That’s because they didn’t give me any updates!” 

“So I feel like at some point it should have been stated or clear that we would be taking my car. You saying you want to go all these places, I would have gotten gas, picked up a bottle, and gotten cash for you before I got here so that’s less things we have to do! I’m sitting in your house bored, so I asked if we could leave earlier and you said no! If I knew I was driving, we would have left when I wanted to. And because I’m driving I can’t even drink like I want to so what would we be getting a bottle for?” 

“We don’t have to get the bottle then. Or I can uber us there.” 

In all honesty, I considered this for a split second. The place, although an hour from me, was only 20ish minutes from him. But then the quote my friend told me popped into my mind again. 

“No. We can chalk it up to miscommunication again, but that’s a problem in itself. Why is there always some type of miscommunication between us?” 

I was so pissed I forgot I had left my bag upstairs. I was mad to spend any further time with him.

We go upstairs, I grabbed my things and in my head I’m thinking, will he still give me my gift? But I didn’t want to say it. As I’m headed back out, he does give it to me, asking again if we could talk. 

“We can agree to disagree.” I told him. 

“Ok, what do you disagree with?” 

I didn’t even want to think about it anymore. “I don’t know, at this point I’m over it and just want to leave.” I was officially exhausted with him.

He walks me downstairs and I tell him thanks for everything. 

“You’re saying that like this is the last time I hear from you.” 

“What did we talk about?” I try to remind him. 

He feigns confusion. 

“We agreed that we wouldn’t talk anymore,” I reminded.

“You said ‘maybe’,” he tries to gaslight again. 

When, and more importantly, why would I say ‘maybe’ we wouldn’t talk anymore…

I continued to get in my car without saying anything further.

“Then can I give you a proper goodbye?” He asked. 

I got out my car. We hugged, the tightest we’ve ever hugged. We exchanged hesitant kisses. It took everything out of me not to cry right there on his shoulder – a mix of frustration, confusion, and exhaustion. He wished me luck on my blog, and I wished him luck on this app he was working on.

I cried/yelled on my way home to my friend, recounting the night. A mix of emotions overcame me. I had planned to watch a movie once I got home but I was too worn out and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. I couldn’t end the night, however, without opening the long awaited gift. I propped my facetime up so my friend, who was with me during the whole time of me dating Ivory, to open this gift together. The box was decorated nicely, I will give it that. My name typed on the front with beautiful lettering, signed with the nickname I gave him. I open it and the top says “Beautiful”, a nickname I gave myself. The first bag I open, and it’s some stickers… Stickers that also say ‘Beautiful'. I wanted to throw the whole box out the window.

But also inside the bag was a candle kit. He had mentioned that he noticed in my house I already had a wick trimmer. Something I bought myself… around Christmas. Underneath the bag was a deck of affirmation cards which he said were "words from me to you”. I’m not huge on affirmations, so I wasn’t exactly thrilled to receive this. He said another part was supposed to come that weekend but we had already reached the cutoff time. Lastly, at the bottom of the box, was a golden feather bookmark with my initial on it. It was my favorite item in the box. But I kept my word, and still used the gifts. The affirmation cards I’ve placed by my front door, and read one before walking out each morning. The bookmark I used on the next book I read after receiving it. I’ve used most parts of my candle kit, and the stickers I will put around my water bottle.

He texted me that night, sending me gas money then asking if I had opened the gift. I confirmed I did, thanking him once again. Three days later, on April 1st, I blocked him. It was a long-time coming. I think we may all agree that Ivory and I lasted way longer than we should have. Do I regret the time we spent together? I don’t. I will say, however, that I wish I listened to my gut, and not only ended it the first time, but as you kids say “stand on business” after. Ivory asked multiple times if I talked to my therapist about him, and I would always tell him no, but truthfully, he was the main topic of my therapy sessions from our first date to (even after) I blocked him. 

Me and Ivory did have a lot of fun together, and he certainly taught me a lot about myself, lessons that I will carry over to the next people I date. He taught me to not make excuses for people’s behaviors. He taught me that if you let a person slide once they’ll think they can ice skate. He taught me to stand tall in my decisions, or I’ll in the end feel small. So honestly, I’m grateful for the time we spent together and getting to know him. I’m glad I got to experience him so that I can learn to make better decisions for the next person, and more importantly, for myself.

July 31, 2024

Four Months Later

On a random Wednesday night at around 7 o'clock (there's a specific reason I remember this which will be told in another post), I get a knock at my door. Of course I asked who is it but no answer came. I looked out my peephole and no one was there either. I opened my door and an envelope fell. I ran to my window to see who could’ve left it, as from my window I can see everyone who goes in and out of my building and also it being the only entrance/exit to the building... but there wasn't a single person outside.

Attached to the envelope were green plastic flowers, same ones that were in the box Ivory gave me 4 months ago so I should have already known who it was from, but at this point I’m still oblivious. I open the envelope to a blank green card that said “Especially For You” on the front. In it was also a green Barnes & Noble giftcard… the prettiest giftcard I’ve ever seen. If you haven't caught on, green is my favorite color.

Attached to the card was a note and I instantly looked towards the bottom to see it was signed by “Yours Truly”, the nickname I had given him. In the typed letter was him basically expressing gratitude, that without me he wouldn’t have started this gift giving service, an idea he ran by me but never seemed like a real plan of his. He said he didn’t realize the importance of giving gifts and said that although it might be small to me, it’s actually a really big deal for him to start this business. I’m glad that he has pursued this, but the letter would’ve hit harder if it was more of an apology than a thank you. “I’m sorry for gaslighting you”. “I’m sorry for all the lying”. “I’m sorry for smelling”. “I’m sorry for the 98 bodies I acquired”. Something like that. I mean I don’t need an apology, but what am I supposed to do with a “thank you”? It’s been four months and I believe it was another ploy to gain more access to me. And I know he know he’s blocked because he texted me from a different number saying that he dropped something off at my door. I told him I received it and just thanked him. Nothing further. In the way future I probably wouldn't mind hearing from him but it is still too early to be receiving updates about his life. I’m still trying to heal and forgive myself for letting him overstay his welcome in my life.

I facetimed my friend after receiving this and joked about going over to his place. She didn’t believe me for a second and said, 'I know you wouldn’t go back to a situation you were so happy to get out of.' In that moment, I realized just how far I’ve come.