Date #33 (Part II): Holiday Funk

Not a lot of time had passed before Ivory and I had spoken again, I’m talking a few days. Honestly, it was as if the conversation had never happened. We didn’t specifically say we were dating again, but we were moving as if we still were. Still going out, still going to his house, still talking every day.

The first time I went to Ivory’s house, he did not have hand soap in his bathroom. He said since he was moving, everything was all over the place, so he opened a new bar soap for me to use. What was he using before I got here?, I wondered. The answer was nothing, because after I washed my hands before we went to eat, I turned to watch him wash his hands as well. Do yall think he touched that bar of soap? Absolutely not. Besides the non-existent hand soap, his toilet was completely filthy, as if it’s never even met a toilet wand. 

The second time I went over (yes I went over again, don’t ask me why because I don’t even have an answer for you), I asked to use the shower, but he said I couldn’t because “there were chemicals in there”. I don’t know about yall, but it doesn’t take me very long to clean a tub. I would not have minded if he took a few minutes to clean it while I was  there, matter fact I would have preferred it. And do yall think that bar soap was there when I was over again? It most certainly was not. No need for the judgment, I’ve judged myself enough. 

The third time I went over, I… unfortunately, asked to take a shower again. I thought it was weird I had to ask for a towel instead of him knowing I needed one, but he asked if I had one and no? Why would I? Is it normal for women to bring their own towel when they go to a guy's house? I told him I didn’t, so he handed me a bath towel. When I asked for a washcloth he looked around as if he didn’t know what I was talking about. And then there was still no hand nor bar soap to be found!

Because he was in the process of moving, I tried to overlook his filthiness. I went to his old place about three or four times, but once he moved, I thought I wouldn’t encounter these problems anymore. Boy was I wrong. I didn’t even attempt to use his shower let alone look in it because from the looks of his toilet… I could not believe my eyes. Yall are going to think I’m exaggerating when I say that toilet looked like it's been through war. Like it hasn't been cleaned in months even though he was only moved in by a few weeks? I always squatted, and at one point he tried to gently push my shoulder down so that I’d sit and ??? Why would you even want me to? Look at this thing!

Another time, I entered the kitchen and saw a pile of swept dirt in the corner as if the person sweeping decided to give up the task.  A time after that, he absolutely refused for me to go into his room because he didn’t want me to see how messy it was. But he welcomed me sitting on his dirty ass toilet seat. I guess I was supposed to just sit in the couchless living room enjoying a bar stool for I don’t know how long. No, he had no intention to clean up before or even while I was there; we were supposed to just enjoy sitting in the living room for an unknown amount of time. I even went to wash my clothes once and my friend asked how I was washing clothes in a dirty house and I didn’t even have an answer. I wanted better for myself. No, we still had not had sex… and no, there was still no hand soap in sight.

November 2023

Thanksgiving came around. My dad had to work, so it was my first time making a whole Thanksgiving meal by and for myself (and let me tell you right now, I killed it!). I joked with Ivory (I was actually serious) about him bringing me a plate from his family though, and he in turn invited me over instead. I debated back and forth since we still knew we weren’t technically dating and I didn’t know if I wanted to meet his family. But he said it would be held at his Godmother's house, they were Nigerian, and his mother wouldn’t be there. Nigerian food and no pressure of meeting your mom? No more thought went into it. Add me to the guest list! When he was on his way to my house though, we found out his mom actually was going to be in attendance. Great. She was mad at him for whatever reason though and wasn’t talking to him, which means she didn’t even acknowledge my existence the whole time. Oh wells, that jollof was one of the best I had!

December 2023

December was a tough month for him. He had to give money to multiple family members to help pay for hospital bills and flights back to Ivory Coast, so he expressed that we would have to scale back on going out so much. His engine was damaged when trying to upgrade his car, so he also did not have a vehicle anymore.

Around this time, I had invited him over to my place for the first time. We ordered take out, drank, played some games, and he spent the night. When he left, and the whole next day after that, my sheets smelled awful. I told myself I never wanted him back at my place again. Because of this, I tried to end it with him a second time. The main reason this time was the smell, but the issue I told him was another reason: that we’ve been seeing each other for two months now and I still wasn’t comfortable having sex. I brought this up to him two days before his birthday (which is also Christmas Day), but he was understanding of this, as he was the first time I ended things between us (or thought I did).

We hadn’t talked those two days, but the day of his birthday I did send him a nice happy birthday/Merry Christmas message. And from then, as you guys may have already guessed, we started talking every day again. 

But… I could not take his smell any more. It was obvious we weren’t leaving each other alone, so I knew I had to tell him about himself. It was up there with one of the most uncomfortable conversations I had to have with someone. He was really cool about it though, and after that day, I never smelled it again… which really made me question what the actual problem was.

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Now let’s rewind a little bit. At the end of November, I asked if he wanted to exchange gifts for Christmas, and he said he did. Since his birthday is the same day as Christmas, I decided to give him two gifts – a portable charger since his phone was always dead, and an option to choose two tickets to a car show (since he’s a car enthusiast) and he could take whoever he wanted, or an Immersive Gamebox (he always mentioned he wanted to go). He chose the Immersive Gamebox, he said since this was something he wanted us to enjoy together. Although I gave him his gifts a week before Christmas, he said my gift would arrive in January some time.

January 2024

 New Years came around, and we had talked about spending it together, but it wasn’t completely planned out until the morning of New Years Eve. “I remember you wanted to see Christmas lights, do you want to do that?” he asked. I was excited because I hadn’t physically gone to see any for the holiday. The plan was for him to come to my place, I would drive us to this Christmas Lights Festival in Bull Run, Virginia, then we’d go to his place and bring in the New Year there. 

We had agreed he’d be at my place at 4:30, since we had tickets to see the lights at 6:00. 

5:30 comes around and I text him: “Are you on your way?” A little irked but it was to be expected.

He confirmed saying he was on his way. Now mind you, he only lives about 30 minutes from me.

6:00 I text him again: “ETA?” If my attitude wasn’t at a 100 at this point, it was damn near close.

He texted back saying 6:30. Now let me also explain that I even told him that I wanted to eat and then nap before getting ready, so now there’s two hours I could’ve been doing that instead of rushing my previous plans and sitting around waiting for him.

6:45 he said he was pulling up…

And at 7 o’clock he finally arrived. Now idk about yall but I tell someone I’m pulling up when I’m maybe 2-3min from their place. And let me not even mention that the Christmas Lights were already an hour from me… hence why we had planned to leave an hour and a half before.

This man arrived two and a half hours later than the time we had established. The excuse he gave when I first asked if he was on his way? “It took me longer than expected to get your gift.” Y’all, when he showed up do you think he had a gift in his hand? But I wasn’t even thinking about that, I was upset at the fact that he had me waiting for over two hours and wasn’t saying anything until I texted him first. Mind you, I didn’t even ask what was taking him so long, just confirming if he was still on his way. 

As we were headed out, I told him to get his backpack that he seemingly was forgetting. He said he didn’t need it. With my attitude boiling over, I asked him why he wouldn't since we were going back to his place after the festival. He said his roommate was having people over and “I told her I was staying the night here”. Now why the hell would you tell her that lie?! That was never even mentioned. Now here I am, yelling in my apartment hallway about how he never mentioned any of that and that the plan we had just agreed to hours earlier was that we would go back to his place. He’s sitting in my face pretending he forgot to mention it. I told him he wasn’t staying at my place tonight (for reasons we, the audience, know why, but for reasons he was oblivious to). Yes, he wasn’t stinking anymore, but I was still traumatized.

It was an awkward hour drive I must say. Once we reached our destination though, my attitude subsided. The lights luckily put me in a cheerful mood. We were back holding hands, kissing, making s’mores together and once again looking like a couple. We grabbed some Mexican food then rang in the new year with a kiss at midnight at my place before I reminded him he still had to leave that night, which he did at 3am. I knew going back especially so late was a bit dangerous, but this is also why I preferred we go to his place for me to stay over. 

The next day, he called me that evening saying he was upset with me, and asked if I only expect to go to his place and not have him spend the night at mine. I told him yes, basically. In normal circumstances I realize this is not reciprocal, but because of what has already transpired with the odor, I still was not comfortable having him in my space and especially not comfortable with him spending the night. He said he doesn’t “resonate with that”. I told him that was fine and I was glad he brought it up because I didn’t think we should hang out anymore anyway. No more going to each other's houses, no more hanging out, and talking only if there were updates in each other's lives. I came to this decision after reflecting on the previous night's events. I told him I didn’t mind still taking him to the Immersive Gamebox as this was the other part of his birthday/christmas gift, since I had already “given” it to him, but he said I didn’t have to. We got off the phone, and I was crying once again, on New Year's Day. I was upset to be letting go of someone I was so used to talking to the past two months, but it was finally over.

And then it wasn’t. 

Check out Part III of Date #33 Continued: Beyond the 3-Month Facade