Date #25: Just A Fun Time

August 5th, 2022

Cameron (Date #24) and Date #25 (nicknamed Rain) are two guys I dated at the exact same time which almost never happens. I’m usually already dating one guy then another comes within the next few weeks so one always has the upper hand. But I matched with these two one day after another, and our first dates were one after the other too.

While Cameron was this brown skin Cameroonian soccer player with locs and an accent, Rain was a gamer, lightskin, skinny, and tatted. Completely different looks, completely different personalities, but I liked them both equally. I had the best of both worlds with these two.

Cameron and I actually went out and enjoyed the city together with different activities. He lived with his family so I wasn’t allowed over (nor he over mine) which means we had no choice but to have fun outside the house. Rain and I had majority of our fun inside the house.

I’ve always liked having a roster because each guy fits different needs. Where one lacked, the other picked up. Dating both Cameron and Rain was the perfect example. Although Cameron was the gentleman type, planning dates, meeting my older cousin before taking me out… we didn’t talk as much as I would have wanted. He had two jobs so communication was very spotty but I was understanding of this and didn’t have a problem with it as long as he was still making time to see me (until he wasn’t). Rain was moreso a player and we only really saw each other at night but talked literally all day everyday. They both were really funny but Rain was also very goofy. He always kept me on my toes and was the second funniest guy I ever dated (yes, I rank humor).

Rain and my first date was to see Nope at the movie theater. Now I actually don’t like going to the movies as a first date but I think I had already liked him so much that I just went with it… and I actually wanted to see the movie too. He picked me up and surprised me with two boxes of my favorite candy (sour patch kids). I’m also a fan of sneaking food in the theater so he already had points in my book. The movie was not the greatest but afterwards it was late so we went to Checkers and got the best fries in America (argue with someone else). I told yall parked car conversations are my fav right? I don’t quite remember what we was talking about, I think I was just in awe at how fine this man was. The earrings, the beard, the neck tat… he was skinnier than I prefer but besides that, he was my type to a T. And I seem to always (against my will) find myself attracted to the baby daddies. I found out he had a child and hey that made no nevermind to me. I don’t want kids so I tend to not care about dating baby daddies since more often than not they typically don’t want more kids. And I (knock-on-wood) have never dealt with any baby mama drama so it never been a problem for me.

August 7th, 2022

Our second date was two days later to Shark Bar and Seafood House in Waldorf, MD, where we enjoyed some food and a few drinks and… I don’t remember having a conversation about me staying over his house that night but… I also didn’t mind it. All I remember was it being a great night. I left my house that night with two buns in my head and returned home the next morning with one.

The next weekend for his birthday we had plans to go out to dinner and an escape room, but earlier that day he caught a nail in his tire that apparently lasted all day so we missed both reservations. After dealing with that he said he was just going to stay in the house the rest of the night. My cousin (who wasn’t a fan of him from the beginning because to her he gave fuck-boy vibes) said he was lying and that he went to go hang with others that night. She said he could’ve either hung with another girl or went out with friends but she swore he wasn’t staying in on his birthday by himself. Things were still new with this guy and I didn’t expect much from it so I didn’t feel the need to take it upon myself to figure out if he was lying or not. But I was really feeling him, so we planned to hang the next night. I had bought him a small birthday gift (I’m talkin less than $10) but my cousin begged me not to give him the gift. She told me he was just using me and that me giving him the gift was me giving away my “power”. Girl… I really just want to f*ck this man. If he’s using me, I must be using him back. 

So anyway he’s picking me up and as I’m headed out to leave, my cousin is still dragging me back telling me not to give him the measly little gift. We’re going back and forth I’m sitting here like he might hear us in the driveway going at it. I’m dressed in my pajama pants and hoodie… we all know what it was. She talkin bout “he can’t even take you out on a proper date, he's picking you up this late!” If it isn’t clear by now my cousin and I view sex differently.

I open the door and he’s standing there at the car and was taken aback. He just said “oh… you’re wearing pajamas…” I’m like? Am I not supposed to? He said “I thought we were going out but that’s fine.” I’m like oh shit let me run back upstairs and change. I immediately run back inside and told my cousin “ha-ha he is taking me out! Now what?” She just rolls her eyes. I came back downstairs in proper clothes she talkin bout some “you’re coming back tonight right?” Now you know… I’m like “Nope! See you in the morning!”

It was already kind of late and I wasn’t hungry so we just enjoyed some drinks at TGIFridays and yall already know what happened after that. Another great night(:

From then on and for the next three months I was still going to his house every weekend. We even became close enough where I felt comfortable bringing him around my friend. The three of us went out for pizza at Andy’s Pizza NOMA in NE DC and he paid for her food too which was attractive. It was a fun time but although my friend liked him as a person, she didn’t like him as someone for me to date. This was understandable. He gave her, too, fuck-boy vibes. And I won’t lie he gave me those same vibes straight out the gate. But I already had someone I was going on dates with... Rain was the one to have my “fun” with. If all I wanted from him was sex, and him the same from me, what was really the problem? We still talked all day everyday, we still went out every now and then… I mean I was satisfied. There was nothing else I wanted from him except consistency. And that was where the problem began.

Like Cameron a month earlier, Rain and I hadn't seen each other for 3 weeks and conversation was slowing down. I mentioned this, as I do anytime I have a problem with something. He started to take this online class, he told me his mom was starting to live with him again, he was having his daughter more, and he was taking on more shifts to cover the costs of the online class. The more information I learned, the more conversations started slowing and I was understanding of this. I explicitly asked him if he wanted things between us to end due to everything he had going on. A simple yes or no would’ve sufficed, but I didn't even get that.

This was the second guy I’ve dated (first guy post-move) that I've asked if he wanted things to slow or stop between us due to everything they had going on and I was completely ghosted. The annoying part is I’m literally giving you an out on a silver platter and instead of being like “yea I think it’s best”, you think the better alternative is just ignoring me completely? ‘Til this day I still can't wrap my head around it. It’s one thing if life became overwhelming and you decide you don't wanna deal with me anymore and go ghost, but if I'm the one who’s bringing it up and explicitly asking a straightforward question, what scared you off about that?

My therapist said I can't expect relationship qualities from guys I'm not in a relationship with, but (at the time) I didn’t think wanting consistency was a relationship quality. Later on I thought about this and it wasn’t even the lack of consistency that bothered me, it was the lack of an answer. If he wanted things to end, I would have completely understood and we could have gone our separate ways and maybe continued our little situation later down the line if we were still up for it. But one thing one of my guy friends told me was to not ask a guy a question if I’m not prepared to hear the answer. I had already worked up the courage to ask him if he wanted things to end, so I was prepared to hear a “yes”. In a way, I did get that answer, so I wasn't upset about things ending between us, I was just upset with how it ended.

January 2024

I didn’t hear from him until a little over a year later. I wasn’t mad so conversation was light, flirty, and friendly between us… but of course I wasn’t letting the ghosting situation slide so I made sure to bring up why that even happened.

He admitted, “I got busy and couldn’t give you the attention you wanted. We just stopped talking Eb.”

I had to correct him like no you stopped talking to me.

“I can admit that was immature to not answer the question. I stopped talking to you, you’re right. I apologize for that.” He continued, “Not responding was just a stupid decision that I made. I thought it would be easier to run from the situation. It was an overwhelming time for me. Not that I should use that as an excuse. Sorry for handling it the way that I did.”

I told him I thought I was helping the situation by giving him the option of wanting to continue this or not.

“You were helping. I just felt like I wasn't giving you the attention you needed and I knew it was going to get worse. It was never fuck you, I just fucked up” (that was a bar right there).

I will admit, I couldn’t let it go, and told him I was still trying to understand how he just looked at my message and decided to never reply.

“Lol look man I wanted to reply. I just felt like it wasn’t fair to put you through all that. In hindsight it wasn't fair to leave you hanging the way I did. I wanted to reach out plenty of times.”

I received his apology. We were still very jokey with each other and the conversation ended well. He even texted the next morning, “Is this still a safe space? I wanted to drop off this goodmorning text”. I told him to drop it off and go about his way. He texted me once a month after that talkin bout “I’m back” and “3rd times a charm”. And everytime we talked he was still his same old funny self, still had me giggling, still had me blushing, smiling from ear to ear. I missed talking to him, but I knew this was going to be short lived. We were cool enough for a split second where I even hit him up for outfit and shoe advice a couple times when I wanted to change up my style a bit.

But the life updates and flirty conversations quickly died when he kept asking to see me and I would lightly curve him until I finally told him that I actually wanted to be in a relationship now. It was obvious from the beginning what he wanted, but I was in a different phase in my life. When we met, I was just enjoying dating around, was enjoying the sex, not wanting anything serious. But now, over a year later, I did want a relationship (thanks to my therapist for unveiling this), and he made it clear that he did not. So I kindly ended the conversation there. He reached out a few more times after this, with the last time being a few months ago.

I can't lie, it was sooooo hard not to break. He was the best I’ve ever had, but my want for a relationship overpowered my want for meaningless sex. I would’ve reverted back to the old Eboni and I probably would have felt worse afterwards because I knew deep down it wasn't what I wanted (learned this mistake before). I was in this phase of being intimately frustrated. Not only was I craving sex but companionship too. Although a year and a half ago Rain and I were talking everyday, I knew if we were to start talking daily again it wouldn’t have led to what I wanted, and one thing Ms. Therapist did teach me was that I have to give up that instant gratification to meet a long-term need.

In the end it was worth declining Rain all those times, because I did get exactly what I wanted, needed, and deserved from someone else, sooner than I ever expected. So maybe it was a good thing that he ghosted me, because if we ended on friendly vibes and he came back around a year later, there’s no doubt I would’ve been back at his house the first time he asked, and I would’ve been back in that meaningless sex cycle, not feeling good about myself because it wasn’t what I wanted. 

I won’t be surprised if I hear from Rain again, but it feels so much better to be in a space that I actually put the work into being.