Date #22 (Part II): Beating A Dead Horse

January - March 2023

Me and dude I was really feeling (Date #28) stopped dating. Yes I was real hurt over this one, but this forced me to give more attention to Syre… unfortunately. In this phase we, again, barely hung out. Did I tell yall how quality time was my love language? And how this man only lived a good 20 min from me? Our only form of hanging out was him coming over every now and again but I actually like going out and having fun with whoever I’m dating too. He thought me going with him to a friend's birthday was acceptable – the only time we hung out outside of the house in our whole 3-month dating period. The birthday was at Main Event (similar to Dave & Busters) in Columbia, MD, and his friends were 2 hrs late. While waiting we did play a few games but most of the time we were just sitting and waiting. By the time they showed up, the six of us walked around awkwardly, then we had to leave because Syre said he’d meet up with another group of friends at this lounge in Virginia. At the lounge, his two girl friends came over to say hi, then dipped. And when I say hi, it was literally just him introducing us two and that was literally it. I mean not much talking you can do in a lounge anyway. It was a weird introduction to both sets of friends. Technically it was just the two of us for most of the night, but most of that time was spent waiting on his friends he barely spoke to.  Yes we hung out outside the house, but it’s hard to count this when you didn't set this up for me and you. These were plans you just invited me along to.

I will say one nice (and surprising) thing he did for me was have flowers dropped off for me on my birthday. That weekend I got myself a hotel room, took myself to a spa and a nice expensive dinner. He later complained that I didn’t invite him to the hotel but… you clearly did not plan anything for me. As a man, you wanted to be invited to a hotel you did not think about, nor pay for, for my birthday? It’s the entitlement for me. I don’t even recall getting a “Happy Valentines Day” text a week later. This was the man I called myself “dating”. Embarrassing.

The next event my friends couldn’t get over, was what we call the “pizza situation”. Syre and I were having a movie night at my place, and I was buying the food and drinks. I set out the 16 slice square pizza (relevant), wings, and plates in the kitchen. I told him how the middle slices are my favorite, but instead of grabbing from the middle, I got two side pieces. I set the slices of pizza on my plate, then watched him pick up the box of pizza to carry to the living room. I’m like what are you doing? He said he didn't want me to wash dishes so was just gonna eat out the box. Obviously I don’t care about washing two plates… please use one of them. I popped my pizza in the microwave, then turned to see a mountain of slices on his plate. I’m like… you took all the middle slices? He said he was warming it up for me. 

We head to the living room and watch our movie, but by the time I look over… every single slice of pizza was gone off his plate. I mentioned my middle slices again and he said he was hungry. He ate 14 slices of pizza, however many wings, gulped down his juice, and said he was still thirsty and asked for some of mine. He didn’t pay for any of this. This was the second time he has shown how inconsiderate he could be. Y'all might think I’m bitching about some food but really if this is how you act when food is involved how will you act in bigger cases? The next day I expressed myself… once again, via another pointless paragraph, about how I felt about the situation. He responded with a gif of a dog that said “im sorry”. Very much again not taking my feelings seriously. Yes, I realize at this point I’m putting myself through all this.

Another time we were chilling in the living room. My cousin came upstairs and asked Syre to move his car because he was blocking her in. The two of them go down and I overhear him talking about how they should go to Main Event together. First my friend and now flirting with my cousin? I was over it. I once again ended things with him, talking about the situations previously discussed. He was silent. I asked if he had anything to say and he said no. Obviously not caring about what I was saying to him. He told me “you already made up your mind so it’s no point in me trying to argue”. Talking about how he’s tired of “defending” himself. Why are you doing things you have to defend yourself for? It was kind of a pointless conversation, on both our ends since afterwards he texted me “seriously how did you expect that conversation to go?” It didn’t matter at that point, it was finally over.

We didn’t talk for the next two months. One night I went to this poetry event with friends. I walk in and saw his big ass head sitting in the back. I won’t lie, I wanted him to see me, but I obviously wasn’t going to go up to him first or make my presence obvious. During the event I was standing at the bar with my friends and he came up right behind my friend, clearly in my view, ordering a drink. At the end he walked right in front of me as he was leaving out and because he’s so tall I forced myself not to look up and pretended I could see through him on account his chest was my only view at that moment.

June 2023

I’m headed home from grocery shopping and Syre’s name lights up on my phone. Again, two months no contact, so I’m curious about the context of this phone call. He said he had a question, so I’m like what is it? He said it can wait til I get home so I’m like ok I’ll call back when I get there. He’s like “can’t I just stay for the ride?” and I’m sitting here like…I wanna listen to my music, what the hell? He asked what song I was listening to and when I told him, he looked up the lyrics and started singing. The humor I missed.

I got home and I’m like ok what’s the question. Yall… the question was about health insurance. deadpan stare. He just turned 26 in May so was off his parents insurance and was asking how I went about getting mine. I’m like you don’t have other 26 year old friends? He said he asked all his 26 year old friends. Well why am I included in that group? I couldn’t really help much because I didn’t even have health insurance for a year after being kicked off. 

But besides that, we caught up. I asked how his birthday was and he said terrible since I didn’t say Happy Birthday to him (second year in a row). But why would I? We were no longer talking. I told him how my cousin was kicking me out her place (she technically wasn’t but it definitely felt like it). It was a decent conversation though. I didn’t think I’d hear from him after that until a few days later he called me again. I told him I had no more health insurance advice for him. He told me he missed me. Me being me I told him that was to be expected and I wasn’t surprised. He told me, “Glad you think so cuz it was def a surprise to me. Maybe it's temporary but we’ll see” love the quick cover up after already being vulnerable. I asked what he wanted me to do with this information and he asked if I wanted to start speaking again. I told him I'm comfortable hitting each other up every now and then but speaking on a consistent basis is out. He said that was fine and he agreed.

A few days after that I told him I was going apartment hunting that weekend and asked if he wanted to go along. He said if I pick him up. Over a year of knowing him and he never wanted me to know where he lived until now…

So we go apartment hunting and I won’t lie it was a good time. Nothing flirty. We even made a few stops in between each place. On our drive he said he had a question. “Did you like the poetry event?” My curiosity on if he had seen me was answered. He said his friend had pointed me out the minute I walked in. I was surprised his friends even knew what I looked like. He said if I was on a date he would’ve started some shit, but if I was alone or with friends he definitely wasn’t speaking first, but that he woulda spoke or gave a hug if I said something first. He said he purposely passed me twice. This is why I like to be cool with folks after dating… the awkward moments! Whole time I want you to see me but not make it obvious that I see you. You tryna figure out if I'm on a date. We trynna figure out what we’d say to each other if the other spoke. Both refusing to go up to the other first but both still wanting to speak. It’s ridiculous.

August 2023

He (finally) helped me move out my cousins house (when I was moving out the dorms he acted like he was too busy for that and was another thing I was upset about). He redeemed himself. My cousin said we argued like a married couple but we were just comfortable with each other at that point.

Now that I had my own place, we hung out a bit more but not enough for my liking. It was very much a situationship by then. We went to get cheesesteaks and were completely friends. We went to the Arlington County Fair and was holding hands, kissing, pretending like much of a couple. Whenever we hung out it was hit or miss how we’d be acting towards each other.

September 2023

He came to my place a few times, literally only 3x because the last time he came over he completely made himself at home. Labor Day came around, and I asked if he wanted to take a trip to Ocean City, and he said only if we take my car. I don’t let people drive my car, and I wasn’t making that three hour drive myself, so I asked if he wanted to go to brunch the day before instead. He asked what time and I told him and he said he would let me know. He never let me know. I actually went to brunch myself since I already had the reservation, but later that day I asked if he could help me take a heavy item to UPS (not that same day but soon). He said he was actually available that day… the same day you told me you’d let me know if you could go to brunch and you didn’t? I don’t know what was wrong with me though, he picked me up and I was still all over him.

We came back to my place from dropping the item off at UPS and he started chillin in his underwear, drinking my juice out the pitcher, and eating my leftover food. Another time even asking if he could stop by and shower after staying the night at one of his friends' house. I sat one night and thought… could I do this at his place? He lived with his family, so no. But if we’ve been dealing with each other for a year and a half now… and they all know me like you claim they do, what was the issue? Not me showering at his house but at least just going over. My cousin wasn’t letting me invite any and every guy I was dating to her place. Each one leveled up. Whoever I was dating seriously were allowed over but on the bottom level. The longer we dated they got promoted to the second level. Syre was the only guy I was dealing with for so long that he was even allowed on the third floor. I understand everyone has different situations and rules for their home but I didn’t like the fact that you could be so comfortable at my apartment but I couldn't even get through the front door of yours.

I brought these two situations up… wasting my breath yet again. He said us hanging out (outside the house) was a money issue because he would want to pay for me anywhere we went. Yet… he told me he went out every weekend in July because he had a friend's birthday to celebrate each weekend. Again, very much making time for everyone else but me. About me going to his house… he had absolutely nothing to say about it. I mean he literally said “about that… I don’t have anything to say” and laughed it off. Then finished with “this was on your heart for a minute huh?” Of course no attempts to rectify either of the issues.

Breaking the story up to not overwhelm yall. I’ll be here next week to deliver the third and final part: Date #22 (Part III): Tried Our Best