Date #22 (Part I): The Ice Cream Incident

February 2022

Date #22 is probably the one who unlocked my want for a relationship. Imma tell yall this story, and you’re gonna ask yourself how? Honestly, I’ve asked myself this same question a dozen times and have yet to come up with an answer. 

Syre (nickname for story purposes) and I dated on and off for two years… the longest I’ve ever been involved with a guy. I wish I could say we made it to the finish line but every time I saw it happening, something would move the goal post 10 feet farther. He was the one all my family and friends knew about because he was around for so long. He was also the one that none of my family nor friends liked either.

We matched sometime at the end of February. Between the time of us matching and our first official date in April, we had only seen each other on two occasions… (the time gap should have raised some flags for me). Our first time seeing each other he took me on an errand run. I was living on campus at Gallaudet in DC but every other weekend I would go to my cousins house in Maryland to do laundry. I had gotten over there and was telling him how irritated I was that I forgot my wallet on campus because I had planned to go to Target. He told me he could take me to Target and pay for my things and of course this was easier for me so I agreed. After this I actually thought about how much pre-dates should be a thing: do something small, simple, and mundane just to see how you vibe with a person for an hour then from there plan an actual date.

March 5, 2022

That’s not exactly how it happened with Syre and I. One Friday night we were both out with our respective friends. I told him I was headed back to the dorms for the night and he said he would be there soon. I’m like wym? He said he was coming to get me and it was already 2 in the morning. But of course I was feeling him so I’m like bet let me put on some comfortable clothes and go back out. We grabbed some Denny's and ate in his car… I told yall parked car conversations are my favorite right? This is when we had more of a deeper conversation about ex’s and what not.

April 9, 2022

Another month later is when we had our first actual date at AMF Capital Plaza Lanes in Hyattsville, MD. He loved going bowling so he took me to his favorite spot and because we were already comfortable with each other from the first two meet-ups, the date was that much more enjoyable (another reason why pre-dates should be a thing). And then after that I snuck him into my dorms and… would yall count this as sex on the first date even though we met up a few times previously?

So anywho… the first situation that after two years I realized I should have kept Syre cut off is what all my friends know as “the ice cream situation”. A very small event that actually proved to be a bigger issue in hindsight, but because I didn't know it then was the reason I kept letting him back into my life. I’m not sure at what point between the meet ups and the date this happened, but I was getting my hair done one day. It was taking too long for my liking and I started getting irritated. I was texting him about it and told him I was going to get myself some ice cream after to make myself feel better. 

Later on in the conversation I asked what he was doing… and said he was getting himself some ice cream. This was, in my opinion, grounds for ending things with Syre. Now, me explaining this story to people, I thought they would think I was trippin, but everyone said I was valid in how I felt. You, as someone I was dating (or at least talking to) knew I was upset and knew what I wanted to make me feel better, but instead of suggesting we get ice cream together you decide to get some for yourself? Now me telling him about what I wanted was in no way a suggestion for him to get me the ice cream, but him saying he was getting himself some knowing I was already upset just felt… thoughtless. I tried cutting him off for this although I will admit I didn’t state the issue (at the time), and instead just tried to let our conversations die. He kept texting me that weekend though, so I got over the situation and started talking to him again. Months later after talking about the situation he did say he felt me distancing myself and said he just kept texting me instead… something else to note.

May 2022

I’m starting to plan my internship trip to India, and now the roles were reversed: now he was the one distancing himself. But unlike him, I brought this up to him, to which he admitted he did do that because he didn’t want to start falling for me just for me to then go to India for the next two months. Around that same time we did have a small argument because – I don’t know how we got into this conversation – but he said I was in a different category than the other girls he was dating because they wanted to be in a relationship and I didn’t. This was true… my whole dating journey I was just enjoying dating multiple people. I was never the “relationship” girl. But I realized me being upset over this was because I actually did want to be in a relationship… and with him.

I truly and genuinely cannot give you guys a reason for why I liked this man, besides the fact that he was one of the funniest guys I dated. Even while dating him I would ask myself and still be stumped. He was cute (to me) but I know most people would not find him attractive, so I wasn't keeping him around just for his looks. He was tall, but height isn't a huge factor for me. I will say, that he was on the bigger side body-wise, and I won't lie... I like bigger guys. We did always say though, that he was the boy version of me and I was the girl version of him. We had similar life-styles, we had the same upbringing, we just had a lot of similarities. We had the same perspective on a lot of things, but I think because we talked everyday was the reason for me keeping him around. I thought I liked him because we were talking everyday... but in hindsight I think he was just there, just something to do. And I didn't know how to get rid of him.

We did talk everyday the whole two months I was in India, except the few days we didn’t talk because I forgot his birthday. I did feel really bad about that. He was extra hurt because his ex actually broke up with him on one of his past birthdays. I was going on a tangent about something super irrelevant that morning, until he made some vague comment about how he must not be special to me. I questioned this but then he said nvm and that he’d talk to me later. It was only until I watched his IG story of his friends telling him happy birthday to when it hit me. 

I still didn’t say happy birthday to him because at that point I just felt like it was too late (but later on he told me “...after you found out your mistake you still didn't say it!”). He sent me some video on twitter and a few messages back and forth until he said his “limit was up”. I’m like ‘for what?' and he said “messages for the day”. I guess my punishment for forgetting his birthday. Gotta love a boundary-setting king.

 I told myself I would make it up to him when I got back. I had a whole plan of taking him to a really good steakhouse and a pottery class since he said he always wanted to go to one.

I actually caught COVID while I was in India. It felt like I got hit by a truck. Syre and I were talking per usual and I told him another one of my friends had covid too. He asked “is it the friend with the fat ass?” Not only this inappropriate comment, but he also said it while in a car full of his friends. This was completely disrespectful, so of course I had to bring this up to him. He said he wasn’t serious, very much downplaying the situation, even said his friends “weren’t paying attention”, as if that makes anything better.

August 2022

Close to me on my way back to the states, he had at some point said we weren’t even dating the whole time I was in india. Then what the hell were we talking everyday for? Months later he admitted he said this just to hurt me but I don't even remember what prompted this. The weekend I came back I told myself I wouldn't plan to do anything and see if he planned something himself. But then when I mentioned us seeing each other, he said he could stop by “for a little bit”. I was upset of course because I was gone for two months, you didn't seem excited to see me, you obviously didn't plan to even see me that weekend because I had to bring it up first, and I just said nevermind.  At the beginning of us dating he told me he “always had something going on”, and I should've taken heed to this, because he proved this to be true every step of the way. But the “always something going on” never included me.

Of course I canceled the birthday plans too because… why am I setting up birthday plans for a guy I’m supposedly not dating? I even took it a step further by telling him I didnt think we should date anymore. I sent him paragraphs on paragraphs about the friend comment, him saying we haven’t been dating for the past two months, no plans to see me when I came back, and much more. It was a whole 22 item list I gave him for reasons why we couldn't date anymore (obviously there was a lot I've taken out from this story).

A piece of the paragraph included “...I pretty much just wanted to express how I’ve been feeling towards you and to put it bluntly I simply don’t like how you make me feel anymore. You make me feel unwanted, unheard, and unattractive to say the least”.  

Months later he told me the list was bullshit. I guess my feelings were bullshit.

I still gave him the souvenirs I brought back for him from India - a keychain, some cologne, and some good ass juice I still crave to this day. An awkward meet up for us, on account this was the first time we saw each other since I’ve been back. Once he opened it he tried to say “aw you really did care about me”. An irritating, but expected, comment. We didn't talk again for the next month.

Fall 2022

After that month of no contact I did hit him up asking him how he liked the juice. Not to get him back, just to hopefully be cool again (why would you wanna be cool with someone like this, Eboni? I have no idea). I hit him up in his IG DMs asking about the juice and…

Syre - mmm even after a month our brainwaves still in sync…I don't like that

Me - how are they in sync?

Him - because I was goin call you today

Me - was it a call I would have wanted to get?

Him - yea of course it's me duh

Me - ok now . and what was going to be the context of this apparent phone call?

Him - I would like to share my presence with you

Me - mh . niggas get haircuts and all of a sudden wanna see folks (as shown in his IG story). If you mean today unfortunately I am preoccupied

Him - nah I wasn't talkin bout today . but you can be in my life again

Me - no one was asking permission

Him - girl I know lmaoo but I still have to be open to it . get with the program

Me - well I am proud of your growth . did you have a specific day in mind or we just goin with the flow…

Him - flowing

Me -  ok then . so… uh… can I send you videos in the meantime or... puppy dog face

Him - lol yes nigga

Me - oh we getting spicy with each other already ok . ain't even been 2min

Him - we good . all good

Me - sends video of me using utensils to eat pizza (inside joke)

Him - you wanna be cut off again obviously

Me - LMFAOOOOO PLS

We would talk here and there. My natural flirty side started coming out again, but vibes weren’t being reciprocated. Eventually he told me he didn’t want to try to lead me on, and that he only saw me as a friend. As much as I hate admitting this… I cried. And this proved I actually still liked him. I hated this feeling. 

We were still cool with each other though. We were texting one day and he said he was about to take a nap. I told him he could nap at my place, which I didn’t think he would take me up on my offer. I mean any other time I’d ask to hang out he’d always have something else going on, so why would this day be any different? He said he would be over soon. He came over, I was still being playful but again, he was just being friendly with me. We did indeed nap, woke up, and then… we started being a little more than friendly. At this point I didn’t think we were dating again, but I was in my head like what does this mean? Was it a one-time thing? Was he feeling me again too? Did he ever stop? I didn’t want to have that conversation though because I was dating others and enjoying my time with them. But being that this was our only “slip up” moment, I considered Syre and I still in our “off” phase.

January 2023

In the winter I was actually dating another guy I was really feeling. Syre was completely out of my mind by this point. We were legit just “friends” now. We were actually having a more serious conversation about our love lives and what not. He told me he was dating someone a while back but it didn’t work out. I told him I was dating someone new. I expressed to Syre that I finally met him where he was at and saw him as just a friend too. He said that now that I just wanted to be friends he actually wanted to be “lovers” again. We didn’t really confirm that we were dating again, but after that day we started talking everyday again. And here begins our next “on” phase.

To continue on this roller coaster, come back next week for Date #22 (Part II): Beating A Dead Horse